Ways to Get Even...by Your Loving Stepmother

PART 1

I know you look at me and think that all that crap I said to you about wanting what's in your best interests was all heartfelt, etc.... I forgot to tell you that I am an award winning actress and the rights to my story, "A Stepmothers Unending Kvetch" are being optioned.

You probably think I'm trying to make a responsible adult out of you.

You probably think I enjoyed emailing and calling the school for your various infractions and subpar performance in class all fucking year.

I'm sure you thought I cared when you stormed out all upset because you didn't get your way.

You think I am not resentful when we pay for groceries, hair products, toiletries, books, dinners out, clothing, things for your ever discussed vagina,I don't know...stuff...wherever our money just goes.

I don't know...I think I've changed my whole way of looking at this position I've signed up for.
YOU are not my kid. I make NO less money if you embarrass yourself by failing out of school or dating retards. Yes, I have a code of conduct in my house....(for those of you just tuning in..check out last month's post about dropping F-bombs at your parents...ha.) which is totally non negotiable... but I am TOTALLY handing over the big decisions to....(big introduction...) YOUR FATHER!!!!! YAY!!!!!

I will defer to him in all matters relating to you. I will never give you a straight answer and when you THOUGHT you had an ally, I will turn you over to the man with the plan...your dad. It'll be good for him too. Plus, I get to be "the fun one", the "good guy" for awhile....

You have forfeited my support. You have used up your quota of my attention this year on your ridiculousness when it could have been for great stuff. No problem.