Mr. Nic's 80th Birthday

Day Two, the Silence Continues

Ah, Peace and Quiet. Last night, Al took the kids out, and they went to dinner, and he felt bad about not including me, but I was really happy not to be included. I got to keep the phone appointments I had cancelled due to the previous night's teenage bullshit.

I'm glad. He needs to spend alone time with them, and I need to not deal with anybody else's crap for awhile.

This is something I was never good at. I always wanted to "fix" everything, and my natural positive "Oh don't worry, we can handle it" attitude always overrode my common sense and self preservation instincts.

I haven't talked to my stepdaughter since she decided to storm out of the house( after dropping F-bombs all over the place) and make dinner 3 hours late, (we ate without her and had a lovely meal, even though it was not as planned.). I'm not interested in communicating with someone who can't control herself and I don't want to hear her excuses.

She needs to do a whole lot of unselfish good deed type activities on behalf of the household, because I am seriously DONE for awhile. I've let her live in my house, given her more support(emotionally and financially) in one year than she's ever received from her mother in 16 years, and if she resents it, or chooses not to appreciate it then I am not participating further.

She has indicated to her father that she needs to apologize to me, but frankly, it doesn't mean anything anymore. I know she's trying to get him to pay for her ticket to Florida to see her mother, which we told her and her asshole mother that we refuse to pay for. She has to earn it. I want her to act like a human. I want to not have some totally fabricated asshattery in my house, once a week. I presume an apology is forthcoming.

I plan to not deal with her until next week, if at all possible. My husband doesn't like the friction and is one of those people who thinks when there's an upset, it should just be dropped and people should move on....however, I end up feeling (regardless of whether or not it's true) that my feelings are being discounted and I expect a resolution.

I plan to only do what I need to do for the next week. My nights are full, scanning and editing old photos for a DVD for my father in law's surprise 80th birthday party, planning menus, MY OUTFIT, (they can all go nekkid, for all I care, but I plan to look fabulous.) and party decorations.

I have no time for other people's drama this week. I totally "Full". To here.

My New Haircut

Hilarious character.

Did I mention that being a stepmother sucks?

Ok...

So this week the stepdaughter's brothers (2), are up visiting from Florida. They are nice enough and we had a decent weekend upstate. Nice weather.

Oh yeah decent, all right.......it could have been nicer, except a certain stepdaughter decided to lie about going to Chemistry Regents tutoring last week...she wasn't there, because she didn't have enough credits to take the test. So rather than tell us, she SAYS she goes to tutoring, but actually she's hanging out in the park with some piece of shit kid. All my bullshit meters were going off, so I call the tutoring center, and SHO NUFF, they haven't seen her.

So she walks in the door after "TUTORING" and I say...

Me: How was tutoring?

She: Fine.

Me: Is it getting any easier? What are you guys working on?

She: the tutor wasn't there today, so we did a practice test and it helped alot.

Me: Really.

She: Yeah.

Me: No, really.

She: Yeah.

Me: So you think you're prepared for the test next week?

She: Yeah.

Me: Are you sure you were there?

She: Yeah.

Me: REALLY. (Big hint at this point that I fucking know something, right? but Nooooo...)

She: Yeah.

Me: REALLLY. ARE YOU SURE YOU WERE THERE?

She: (Quietly) Um, no.

Me: Um, yeah, because THEY were pretty SURE they didn't see YOU.

And then I moved the fan from the other room and next to her, and listened to the gentle splatting sound it made as the shit hit it.

If this were the first time I caught her lying, I'd be upset...and I have the expectation that kids lie a little. But her lies are so easily undone. She has no problem telling them, and thinks she can justify her behavior by saying "I only lie a little bit."

You know what's weird? I was married before, to an alcoholic, Russian maniac...and I never found myself as ENRAGED as I get at this kid. I never really lost it on him. And I've never really lost it on her...(Oh yeah, except for the time I came home early and caught her with her half naked Dominican boyfriend, kitted out in his wife beater T and his boxers, trying to blend into my completely white bathroom walls. Then I lost it. Freaking. Screaming. Shrieking, etc. The Works.) Until now.

Basically, I always have the right answer and I stay calm. We can't ALL be adolescents. Well, this time I lost it. Something about the lying. Her general lack of integrity. Her commitment to AVERAGENESS, her limp, numb refusal to discuss anything, but what she wants and needs and how she goes to the clinic because she wants birth control and how she wants to make sure she always has a nice pink vagina and how she's going to really get her game up in school because she's concerned about college. I'm sorry, what? were you telling me about your vagina? Great. I hear the word vagina about 4 times a day, and that's about 3 times more than I've EVER SAID IT.

Vaginas are like Canada. They're there. We know it. Some people really like it. We'd never know if there was anything wrong with it, and NO ONE TALKS ABOUT IT.


And then she won't tell me why she's ditching the tutoring when SHE herself signed up for it. We didn't force her. Vaginas, sure. But tutoring...can't talk, she has stress, she says. (I'll give her fucking stresssss) So after all the lying was exposed, etc...That's when I found out she wouldn't qualify for the test. I was trying to figure out why she's so committed to being average, but my rage overcame me.

I'm sick of her lying. And then being "sorry" and saying she doesn't know why she does it. She must like being grounded. I can't say as I understand it, but give her the choice of doing the right thing and getting privileges, or doing the wrong thing and getting busted, she'll choose the dumbass thing EVERY TIME.

So.....that brings us to today. It's her last day of school. Her brothers are waiting for her to get home so they can all make some plans. She comes home, takes her laptop out of her father's dresser drawer (where it's been while she's been groundedBECAUSE SHE'S NOT ALLOWED TO USE IT, no myspace, etc.) plugs it in and leaves it out on our bed, (duh) then goes out.

She comes back for a bit, then jets out with her friends...leaving her two brothers at home....until we get home about 6:40. She's not back yet. Which is interesting because she KNOWS what time we get home. And that we'll be pissed if she's not there. Especially because we'd all like to go eat dinner and she's ..um...where? (asshole)

So she comes in, and right away she's got an attitude. She tells her dad she's sorry, and then says, "well, at least I didn't LIE when you asked where I was"....

Her father tries to tell her that she's not supposed to just abandon her brothers and take off to do whatever she wants, no phone call, nothing, help herself to the computer, which she's not been allowed to use, and she goes OFF...like some sort of wannabe, Spanish Harlem ghetto asshole...."Why you steppin up on me dad? What's tha matta wich u?" or some garbage...and he tells her what she's done is wrong...

She tries out a few shut ups and fuck you dads....( She wasn't fully invested in the f-bombs, but they were there.)

OK>...commercial break.<<< Could you ever in your life, imagine telling one of your parents to SHUT UP or FUCK YOU and live to tell about it??? No, I didn't think so.

I give my husband so much credit. He didn't yell. He didn't raise his voice. He tells her he's not participating in a conversation with someone who speaks the way she does. Now she's DEMANDING counselling, To-MOR-ROW...or else, (this is now the excuse for her lack of control), and he better arrange it. My husband tells her no, that's not part of his plan for tomorrow and while he'll arrange it, it will need to be on his schedule...

She rants on about some shit about how he never listens...etc...and what's interesting to me, is that her mother is a completely vodka-soaked piss stain of a person....slurring her words, and incoherent after 6pm....and she wants to complain that WE dont' listen to her....

I had to cancel a couple of appointments I had with people as I didn't want to have phone conversations with some unpredictable idiot mouthing off in the background, and I indicated to my husband as such.

She apparently took offense to that. She suggested we (everyone but her) all leave the house so she can calm down...(from the upset SHE started, in which no one participated...AMAZING.)

We were disinclined to acquiesce to her request. So we stay put.

She says if she can't go to Florida in August (which was the plan, although we are now NOT paying for it...fuck you very much) we won't be able to go to San Diego. And we say "fine".

She ended up leaving. The weather started to turn, so we went to shut the windows..and it started POURING outside. Which is when she left. My husband went to look for her as did her older brother. They didn't find her. Her stupid friends didn't know where she was. And about an hour and a fucking half later, she turns up. I see her just STROLLING down the block, and we all decided, fuck it....let's just order dinner without her. (It's now 8:30 and she's pretty much ruined any chance we have at a normal dinner.)

She comes in....doesn't speak to any of us...makes a snack and goes to bed. We tell her mother,(drunken cow) that we're not paying for her trip to Florida. (which will seriously impact my husband's and my planned trip to San Diego if we have to sit around babysitting her.) Her mother gets upset...and I point out:

1) We don't reward people who act like assholes.
2) If she's that upset, why doesn't she ask her daughter why she doesn't want to visit her, since she was very obvious in her desire to get in trouble and lose the privilege of a plane ticket.
3) She's more than welcome to do nice things for people who tell her to go fuck herself, but we don't choose to.

And while she's busy pointing out how she's going to really be tough on her...I remind her "You work all day and are passed out by 6:30pm...how do you think she GOT like this?

Her mother slurringly tells me she "duuuuzzn't do thatddt shit anymore", and I point out," but you're drunk right now!"

"WHAAAAT??!!!" As if she is surprised that she's drunk.

And I say "SURE you are. We can all tell. We just were waiting for you to figure it out. "

"Oh...ok..."

Yeah.

So this kid is in bed now. Her brothers are playing XBOX. Her dad and I aren't really sure what we're supposed to do. She's off school. We can't keep her in if we're at work. But I personally, am not speaking to her until she does something appropriate.

She actually told her school counselor that we don't trust her or appreciate her. (The counselor laughed a bit as she told me this. And she said she told her that she needs to earn this trust.)

But, I don't appreciate her. Not a bit. She's a fucking pain in the ass. I'm using all the restraint I have. There is nothing new in teenage world. It's just the same shit.

But the stress is really getting to me. I'm trying to get pregnant and this isn't helping. I totally want to ship her off to the Navy, but I don't think they'd take her. Oh, she feels plenty stupid. I heard her sniffling and crying to her mother that she wants to talk to her dad in private...but after the whole, unsolicited "Fuck you, Dad" and "Shut up" etc...(repeatedly, mind you)...she's lost her audience.

I seriously hope when I wake up, she's graduated and moved out.

The most personally insightful survey ever. Now you know all my secrets. as if.

Twobuyfour wanted to get to know his readers better. Having known me since high school, I suppose there's SOOO much left to know, but I took a crack at his thought provoking survey, and I presume there's something sort of psychologically/ pathologically indicative in the answers, but hopefully, a screensaver is just a screensaver...

1. What is your screensaver? At work, funky photo I took near the house upstate. Used to be Al at a benefit concert...maybe I'll change it now that you mention it. At home..nada.

2. Has your photo ever been a screensaver for someone else? Probably a couple people and probably for totally opposite reasons.

3. How long have you been blogging? Two weeks.

4. Do you like cats or dogs better? Dogs. True, they bark, but Cats puke up hairballs in your shoes and insist on setting their little pink buttholes on the counter.

5. What song would you sing for me if you could? I used to be a big Matchbox 20 (Rob Thomas) fuh-reak and I sang PUSH or SMOOTH, every chance I got at Karaoke...but for YOU, if I were forced to, I'd probably sing some songs by They Might Be Giants. (Istanbul, not Constantinople) fun songs that you can't criticize, because you would judge me and I would have to get you back, bad. Which would suck for you, totally.

6. Have you ever eaten cheese wiz right from the can into your open mouth? There's ANOTHER way to eat it??

7. If you were an insect which one would you be?
The kind people don't squoosh or hit with newspapers or spray crap on. Most people tolerate butterflies. I could easily be one of those. Butterflies don't do anything gross, like eat other nasty things, or squirt stuff, or have 800 eyes.... they're like leaf eating, flying fowers. Who wouldn't want to be that? There's a cool one with "eyes" on it, that make it look like an owl so animals won't eat it...

I know hummingbirds aren't insects, but they are smaller than some insects I've seen, very quick and rather badass, so I'd consider being one of those if butterflies were taken.

No, people don't do that.

So, I get this call from an acquaintance of mine. I speak to her frequently and she has spent the past year breaking from a painful and abusive relationship, although she still communicates with her exboyfriend. He is an alcoholic, cokehead, narcissistic, sociopath, but other than that he's a complete asshole.

Soooo.....I have been laughing all week over the following conversation.

Her: So he's drunk, naturally, and he tells me, "You know, sometimes, a guy lets another guy suck his dick, you know, because he needs the money..." and I say, "What? NO they don't. People don't do that, JUST because they need the money..."

Me: (laughing) "well, apparently SOME people do."

Her: Well, then he goes on to tell me that he's slept with over 350 women in his lifetime. 350 WOMEN!!

Me: He says he's slept with 350 women and that's an impressive number.
But he sucks ONE dick....Guess which number is now more impressive?


Thank you...Thank you...I'll be here all week.