My, how time flies...

A lot of things have changed for me... I think many of you,were (are) doing what I was doing last year....googling, "Being a Stepmother Sucks" out of desperation, frustration and some small, sad attempt at humor, to find a way to make your situation bearable.... I actually, for the most part, now get along great with my stepdaughter, and I know she refers to me as her "mom" to her friends. There's a whole bunch of factors at work here, and I'll explain what changed, later:

The best thing about this blog, which was originally intended to be a rant about my property management job, (although I think I largely just come across as a big bitch most of the time. I'm not, but, hey, perception is everything, right? hahaha.)...

I got to rant about it and I got some great advice and feedback, and I'm happy to share anything that will help improve ANYONE's life who is in this situation. Being a stepmother (stepparent) is hard, hard, hard....and you can't know that it's going to be difficult, or even in what WAY it will be difficult...you can't even imagine the crap that comes up...because it's really multidimensional.

If you are lucky not to have to deal with the ex on a regular basis, well it's a blessing, but it's not just about you being a fabulous caretaker (which I'm sure you are...full of good intentions and oh yeah, cash.), it's about you and your spouse, his relationship with the ex (they are usually permanent due to the kids, sorry, nothing you can do.), the kids relationship with your spouse, their relationship with the ex, and oh yeah, you.

You are joining their family dysfunction (regardless of whose fault or whatever...welcome to the fun.), and for better or worse, how you handle or prevent drama in your life, is what will determine the sanity/quality of life you can expect to enjoy.

Look for the post, hopefully later tonight, and thank you for those who emailed me advice, and thank you for those who emailed me telling me that they know EXACTLY what I mean, because they have been there. It's just nice to be heard. Thanks.

Well...that didn't take long.

As of Friday, she was missing 4 assignments in English, 3 or 4 in Math, and 3 in French. 3 weeks ago she was written up for "cutting" a class. We already gave her the "Class President is held to a higher standard" speech.

Not two days prior to my receiving this information (the teachers email me.), she was caught lying about not attending her afterschool Forensics club. I had asked her how the club went and she told me, "Great...we finished our hair analysis,...." and proceeded to describe the project she's working on. Which would be nice, except the teacher called me at home to tell me she didn't show up. She opted to hang out at the basketball court instead. Why didn't she attend this club she supposedly likes? Because she had heard others wouldn't be there due to doctor's appointments and "didn't want to be the only one there".

I very pointedly explained that the teacher's time was worth WAY more than hers and she should have had the courtesy to tell the teacher PRIOR to the club that she wouldn't be there, so the teacher could go have a life.

It's so annoying. I bought Halloween costume materials for her so she could go run around with her friends...and her father let her stay out till almost midnight. And it's the lying. I just can't take it. She actually had the nerve to write her father an email saying he just didn't understand how hard it was to be a teenager, (!) and that she wants to be on the honor roll (I guess they just put you there if you ask, you don't actually have to DO homework), and that we don't appreciate her.

Damn straight I don't appreciate her. Just when I think things are looking up, she screws it all up. I am not speaking to her, for the sole reason that I don't want to hear a word out of her mouth, because I'm sure it will be a lie. Also, I am out of patience and restraint. I told her that if she wants to be a loser, she should move back to Florida where she'll blend in, instead of wasting the opportunities provided to her in New York and embarrassing herself and everyone else. (I'm sure I'm going to hell for that one, but I'll be with all the other step-parents who finally snapped.) I'm tired of listening to myself rant about her, and the only reason I don't hurl a hot iron, or television at her head, is because I dump all my wrath and ire in this blog. (lucky you guys.)

She actually had the nerve to email her father and tell him that it wasn't her fault she didn't do her homework. (So it's WHOSE fault,exactly?) That her school is hard and she has so much going on...(Like???? we KNOW she's not doing homework.)

She didn't KNOW she was missing homework, because her teachers (All of them) didn't tell her. hmmmm....What about when you're in class?? Do they HIDE this information? What about when people are turning in assignments or going over them in class....where is she for that??? How does she not know she is missing homework? Oh yeah, because she's lying.

She made up a lot of work yesterday and then her father let her watch a movie. He figures she's off today for Veteran's Day so she can do her homework today. I said she should do all her homework now and get to watch the movie SECOND, as I feel he's not sending the right message, but he shot that down, so I give up. She's allowed to have her phone (but she can't use it...if she uses it THEN we're supposed to take it away..sure that makes a lot of sense.)

He's rehearsing in the studio in Brooklyn tonight (Band gig on Saturday night) and he actually told her that I may want to see her homework.

Well, I don't. I quit. I want nothing to do with it. It's all bullshit anyway. If he's interested in whether or not she does anything in school, he can check her work. He's TAKING HER WORD for it, that she's completed her assignments (Her word = ZERO) so he's going to be the one losing his shit all over the place when he finds out that she's screwing around in school.